You wake up in a strange [[bed]]room. There is an odd looking [[flag]] hanging to your left on the wall and a [[bookshelf]] in the corner of the room. As you look around you see a [[clothes rack]] and a [[trashcan]]. Directly ahead of you is the only [[door]] on the the room.
It's a bed...
[[Back|Start]]It is a square, black flag with strange lines going across it at weird angles, in a gradient of reds to yellows.
[[Back|Start]]It is a big black bookshelf. It has a strange assortment of things on it, ranging from Pokemon cards to records and cassettes.
[[Back|Start]]It has two bars with clothes hanging from them: lots of black and lots of flannel.
[[Back|Start]]Eww. It looks like no one has changed this in months.
[[Back|Start]]The door leads out into a hallway. Directly to your left is a strange looking [[wooden door]], it sends shivers down your spine, but you don't know why. To the left of that there is another [[door|door2]], and even further to the left, there is a makeshift room, with a [[Kazakh Flag]] hanging over its entrance.
[[Continue down the hallway|Hallway]].
[[Back|Start]]The door opens with a loud creak unveiling a twisted, old wooden staircase. At the top of the stairs you find yourself in an run-down attic. There are [[boxes]] scattered all around the room. A [[broken window]] lays propped up in the corner.
[[Back|door]]You try to open the door, but it is locked.
[[Back|door]]You push past the flag and are standing in what appears to be a bedroom. The walls are made up of [[5 bookshelves]]. In the corner is an ominous [[pile of laundry]]. There is also a [[bed|bed2]].
[[Back|door]]You walk down the hallway, you see a [[plant]], another [[door|bathroom]], and a [[staircase]].
[[Back|door]]You decide to go look in the boxes scattered around the attic. You walk up to the closest one and open it up. Empty. There are many more throughout the room. You see a [[big box]] nearby.
Upon closer inspection you realize it is not a broken window, but the old sliding glass doors for a shower. You get lost in thought wondering why they are up here in the attic, when a strange noise jolts you back to reality. You didn't hear the noise very well but it did sound strangely familiar.
[[Back|wooden door]]You open the box. Again, empty. Right next to this box is another [[one|box2]].
[[Back|wooden door]]Third time's the charm, right?
You open this box up, look inside, and are greeted by... nothing. This one is also empty. Who stores this many empty boxes in their attic? Very strange. At this point you are determined to find something in one of these boxes.
You see a very promsing [[one|box3]] across the room.
[[Back|wooden door]]As you get closer you realize that it is not one box, but three! What a deal! The closest box is an [[Amazon box]], the next one is a [[Blue Apron box]], and the last is a [[plain cardboard box]].You open the box slowly, for dramatic effect of course. Inside you find J#ff B%z@s. You are not sure how exactly he fit in the box... While you are pondering this, he steps out of the box, and asks you: "why you didn't purchase an Amazon Fire Phone?" You stand there stunned, not sure how to respond to the tech mogul's suede appearance and unprompted question. He keeps asking the question, each time more angrily. You begin to slowly back away, but he meets your stride. As you back away, you trip annd fall over a box. B%z@s's descends upon you. still repeating the question - which sounding more and more like an incantation. He is now directly over top of you, holding a shipping label which is emitting a nasty aura -- a feature included for free with every purchase on Amazon, if you're a Prime subscriber.
[[YOU ARE A PRIME SUBSCRIBER]]
Inside you find crumbs, and a piece of paper, with the promotional code from some podcast you don't listen to.
[[Back|wooden door]]You open the box to find another box. Wow, this is stupid.
You open that box to [[find]]...another box! You throw the box across the room and scream. You don't know why you are this mad right now, but you are
MEGA F*cking fuming.(goto-url: "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MW6FxZzfIuQ")]]Before you know what is happening, you are inside the box from which B*z*s came -- now wondering how either of you fit in this. You hear him tape the box shut, as the dusty attic light fades and cold black of the Bio-Degradable Amazon Prime Shipping Container™ consumes you.
[[2 BUSINESS DAYS LATER]]Voices, followed by a box cutter. FREEDOM, or so you think. You are freed from the constraints of the box, but what awaits you on the outside?
As your eyes adjust to the harsh fluorescent lights, you see skyscrapers of Amazon Prime Boxes™ towering above. While you are admiring the size and scope of the cardboard architecture, you are handed what appears to be some sort of scanning device, and told to [[get to work]]!You work everyday, 12 hours at a time. You forget how you got here or what exactly you did before this. You forget your name; you forget friends and family. Your mind is trained to sleep in cages, pee in bottles, and "get those orders out on time". You no longer are who you once were, you are now
AMAZON EMPLOYEE #[[60659-C]]GAME OVER
Why did you have to go and look through all those boxes?
You dont live here, that was very rude of you.
(link:"Start Over")[(goto:"Start")]You look at the bookshelves: four stand upright, one is lying on its side. The ones standing up have a number of books and trinkets on them, including a mostly empty bottle of robotussin. The one on its side has a TV on top and is half filled with [[vinyl records|vinyle2]].This is one of the largest piles of laundry you have ever seen in your life. The scope of this pile is unprecedented! It sprawls out from its center like the American suburbs of the 1950's, like tentacles in a seedy manga, [[like...]]It's a bed...
[[Back|Kazakh Flag]]As you admire the records, something catches your eye. You didn't get a good look at it, but it looked like a tail!
[[Chase the tail]]
[[Return to the hallway|door]]before you can finish your thought, you feel something slimy wrap around your ankle. In a flash you are dragged into the pile. Gross. It smells. The light is drowned out by wool socks and longsleeve tendrils wrapping around your body, constricting your movement. You open your mouth to [[scream]]...BUT a stray pant leg finds its way into your mouth, stopping your voice from escaping. You continue to be sucked down, further and [[further...]]You here the call of the outer Gods. You are truly [[lost]].GAME OVER
Why did you look at laundry that isn't yours? That is weird, you should not do that.
(link:"Start Over")[(goto:"Start")]This plant looks like its seen some stuff, and it doesn't even have eyes.
[[Back|Hallway]]It is a small bathroom, with a [[sink]], [[toilet]], and a [[shower]]. The whole room looks like it hasn't been redecorated since the 70's.
[[Back|Hallway]]As you walk down the staircase you hear a noise! You stop moving and listen carefully. After a few seconds you hear the noise agian! It's a meow! There is a cat somewhere in the house! You now know why you were brought here. Your purpose in this strange house is to find the cat, and to play with it!
[[Go down the stairs|Livingroom]]
[[Back|Hallway]]The sink is small and sad.
[[Back|bathroom]]It's a toilet, you know what it does.
[[Back|bathroom]]It is a smaller shower, with a white curtain and an array of [[shampoos and soaps]].
[[Back|bathroom]]As you inspect the shower further you realize how dirty you are. You decide to get in and clean yourself up a bit. The water takes a little bit of time to heat up, but once it's to your liking you [[jump in]].You were so excited that you forgot to take off your clothes! The water feels so good, you dont even care. As you stand under the stream, you notice the water begin to get cooler. You reach down and turn the hot water handle the whole way up. The heat picks back up and you let out a sigh of pleasure. It feels [[amazing]].Before you know what is happening the water gets freezing again. It got so cold so fast you tensed up and couldn't move! The water is now so cold that you cant control your body, shaking profusley, you try and grab the handle to turn off the shower but are [[unable to]].You are no longer shaking. You realize that it is becuase you are frozen solid! //What kind of shower is this?!// You are now trapped here cold and running up someones [[water bill]].GAME OVER
That's what you get for taking a shower in a house that isn't yours. Kind of a rude thing to do, don't ya think?
(link:"Start Over")[(goto:"Start")]You find yourself in a living room, a very spacious one at that. There is a TV on an entertainment stand, with a [[Nintendo Switch]] and a [[bluray player]]. You also see a pile of [[shoes]], as well as a [[record player]] and [[couch]].
By the pile of shoes is what appears to be the [[front door]].
[[Dining room|Dining Room]]
[[Back|Hallway]]The console has pictures of what appear to be Pokemon on them, whoever lives here is a huge nerd.
[[Back|Livingroom]]You see a large movie collection on the shelves around the bluray player, you haven't heard of any of the movies and yet they all look terrible.
[[Back|Livingroom]]When you look closer at the pile of shoes, you see that there is not just one, but two shoe racks sitting unused. What poor organization!
[[Back|Livingroom]]You turn the record player on, only to hear people screaming at you while a "drummer" hits every cymbal ever created at the same time. [[You turn it off|Livingroom]].It is a nice leather couch. You realize that you are feeling sore from walking around this house. You decide to take a load off and sit down on the [[couch|woosh]]. You decide to go outside. You tell yourself that you are not escaping, but merely trying to find out where you are. As you open the door, you feel something fly by you. You look down to see that the cat has escaped! You chase after it hoping to get it back, but it is too fast for you and gets away.
[[Good job]]It is a cute kitchen. The appliances aren't modern, but the decore is tasteful and the spice rack is full -- just how you like it. There is a [[fridge]], right next to that is the [[kitchen sink]], and what apperas to be a [[compost container]]. To the left of the sink is a [[stove top and oven]]. Above them are some [[cabinets]], and across from that is an [[island]]. There is a [[door|laundry room]] directly across from you, next to the oven.
[[Go to the Dining Room|Dining Room]]
[[Back to Livingroom|Livingroom]]The dining room is relatively small. There is a [[wooden table]] in the center of the room, a [[small fridge]] in the corner, and a [[mirror]] indented into the wall
[[Go to the Kitchen|Kitchen]]
[[Back to Livingroom|Livingroom]]As you plop down on the sofa it rockets back at an extreme speed, smashing into the wall and throwing your head back into it. The force of the motion severes your spinal cord and messes up your hair. You are [[dead]].GAME OVER
You really did not deserve this one.
(link:"Start Over")[(goto:"Start")]GAME OVER
You let the cat get away. Not cool dude.
(link:"Start Over")[(goto:"Start")]Its a wooden table surrounded by chairs. Thats it.
[[Back|Dining Room]]You open the fridge and several bottles of Bold Rock Premium Dry roll out onto the floor and shatter. There is glass and cider everywhere.
[[Back|Dining Room]]You look at yourself in the mirror.
[[Back|Dining Room]]You keep looking at yourself in the mirror. As you admire your beautiful eyes, you can't look away. You try harder and harder but [[nothing gives]]. Your reflection smiles at you. Wait a second...
You aren't smiling! You blink. Your reflection waves at you, turns around, and begins to walk away. As it leaves, your world begins to [[fragment around you]].Everything you know ceases to exist. Your existence has been passed off like a torch to a parallel universe.
You hope for your reflection to return, your very being predicated on its appearance.
[[You wait...]]GAME OVER
Wow, vain much?
I'm not saying you deserve it, but...
(link:"Start Over")[(goto:"Start")]The fridge is full of vegatable and meats. The freezer on top is filled with frozen dinners, frozen steamed buns, and Ben and Jerry's pints.
[[Back|Kitchen]]The sink is full of dishes, it looks like no one has been here in weeks.
[[Back|Kitchen]]The compost conatiner is overflowing with [[moldy vegatables and teabags]].
[[Back|Kitchen]]The stove top looks like any other stove top. Same with the oven.
[[Back|Kitchen]]You open the cabinets and see a wide assortment of spices and teas. You look through them and find [[eggnog tea]].
[[Back|Kitchen]]The island has a teapot, some cookbooks, and a spice rack.
[[Back|Kitchen]]You enter the laundry room and are greeted by the most adorable little kitten you have ever seen! It looks up at you, and lets out the cutest little [[meow]] you have ever heard.You drop the container in disgust. It hits the floor and you stare down at it. What kind of monster would buy something like this?
[[Back|Kitchen]]Your curiousity gets the better of you and you go to look at the [[compost]].You take the lid off and are immediately hit by a foul smell. As you are recovering from the odor you notice movement coming from the [[container]].The compost is alive! It jumps out of the container and lunges right for you! It's movement is so fast you have no time to react and are grabbed by it. It latches onto your face and tries to force its way down your [[throat]].You fight back as hard as you can but this thing is strong for its size. You try as hard as you can, but it opens your mouth and [[dives in]].The taste is horrible, the texture even worse. As it goes down your throat you start to feel... //different//. You start to feel like you are not in control of your body anymore. Your arms appear to move on their own, next your legs, and before you know it you feel like a more of a passenger than a pilot. You will your mouth to scream, but it refuses to respond -- the tortured sounds instead echoing inside your mind for eternity. The remnants of your consciousness now exist in a moldy void of black. A small window where your eyes once were is all that remains to keep you sane.
[[You are trapped]].GAME OVER
Why did you go and look through the compost?
That is, like, really weird and gross.
(link:"Start Over")[(goto:"Start")]You bend down to pick up the kitten and it darts between your legs and scampers away. You chase after it, but it slips through the catflap in the [[opposing door]] and into another room. You go to open the door, but it is locked! Oh no!
You can hear the kitten on the other side, almost taunting you. You jiggle the handle, but to no avail. You can think of a couple options...
[[Try to tease it back out.]]
[[Sit and wait for it to come back.]]You scratch your fingers at your side of the catflap.
"Pss pss" -- you try and coax it back out with enticing sounds.
You stick your hand through the flap, but get no reaction.
You know the kitten is still there on the other side...
[[Back|Opposing door 2]]You sit for hours, days, weeks, months. Over time, your skin begins to wrinkle and sag. Your eyes are inset, hollowed out versions of their former selves. You are parched, you can't remember the last time you saw water (despite there being a washing machine behind you). You are too fixated on waiting for the kitten's return. You are devoted to it.
"Kitty kitty..." you rasp, waiting for it to come back.
[[It never does.]]You go to open the door, but it is locked! Oh no!
You can hear the kitten on the other side, almost taunting you. You jiggle the handle, but to no avail. You can think of a couple options...
[[Sit and wait for it to come back.]]GAME OVER
Sure, the kitten was cute -- but was it really worth all that?
(link:"Start Over")[(goto:"Start")]You smash into the bookshelf! Ouch.
You dummy! You can't fit through there.